i know that i can survive (i'll walk through fire to save my life)
by amaltheaz
Summary: Her eyes rolled at Melinda's smirk and she sighed while walking over, grumbling quietly as she took the seat across from Melinda. Dark brown eyes stared back into her blue ones. She crossed her arms and let her gaze roam over the older woman. Melinda looked good.
1. Chapter 1

When she first stepped foot into the property that was Clint's farm, she intended to immerse herself in the innocence of the kids' laughter, to listen to their spirited stories about school and their friends. She intended to share a pot of tea with Laura in the kitchen, to quietly talk to Nathaniel and sing him sweet Russian lullabies. She thought that it was what she needed after days of no contact from Bruce and constant training with Steve. And of all the things she intended to do, calling Melinda was one that never really occurred to her.

A week had already gone since she tried to reach out to Bruce, since he ended contact with all of them. Natasha knew where he was though. She had known _exactly_ where he was going to go as soon as he shut down communications between them. He didn't exactly make it difficult to trace him. But he didn't want to be found, and it didn't matter just how much she wanted to go and see him, and make sure that he was okay. It didn't matter at all. So she was going to respect him and do what he didn't ask of her.

She stayed where she was needed, helping Steve train the new Avengers and keeping an eye on Tony.

But this was her downtime, and she decided to use it by going to Clint's place.

Seeing Laura smiling at her, holding out the mug that Cooper made Clint buy for her (it was a _blindingly_ orange mug that read 'World's #1 Aunt' in bold, chunky letters); seeing Lila race towards her, excitedly calling out her name and jumping into her arms. It all eased something that held tight in her chest. Something she never really knew and never realized she had longed or wanted for herself.

"You're sitting in my spot, you know?"

Melinda didn't look up from the book she was reading but it wasn't difficult to miss the slight quirk of her lips. "I remember. I'm still not getting up though."

Her eyes rolled at Melinda's smirk and she sighed while walking over, grumbling quietly as she took the seat across from Melinda. Dark brown eyes stared back into her blue ones. She crossed her arms and let her gaze roam over the older woman. Melinda looked good.

She had just spent the majority of the day sorting out the mess that Tony had left in the barn after he fixed the tractor. Her sweat-soaked clothes clung to her body, and she was pretty sure that she had trekked dirt into the house. Laura was going to be so mad.

"Who called you?"

"Laura. And then Steve."

Natasha nearly scoffed at the idea that Steve could have called her but then she thought of the way he had looked at her the other day. Nothing had been out of the ordinary. He asked her how she was, like he did every day they worked together, but she remembered the way he was looking at her, like he was searching and waiting for something more than just _I'm fine_.

"I'm surprised Clint didn't try too."

She felt a little bitterness seep into her bones at the thought that her colleagues, her _friends_ had been conspiring, talking about her and not actually confronting her about what was on her mind.

Though knowing that he and Laura were in on this together, she didn't feel so bad about the track of dirt she brought into the house anymore.

"Oh he was the one who actually tracked me down."

Natasha wanted to ask where. _Where had Melinda been this whole time?_ _How did Clint know where to look?_

After S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, she found out from Maria that Melinda was at an undisclosed S.H.I.E.L.D base, working with Phil Coulson. Maria didn't tell her any more than this. In her shared phone calls with Melinda, there was an unspoken agreement to not disclose where they were. It was a precaution that they both took seriously.

But there was still no denying how good it felt to see Melinda again, sitting at the kitchen table. And it eased a whole separate tightness in her chest, one that she thought she had managed to bury a long time ago.

"I tried reminding them that you didn't like surprises."

There were a lot of things that Melinda had said to the people that called her. And the one thing she stressed to all of them was to just _talk_ to Natasha themselves. They hadn't seen each other in a really long time, not since New York maybe. And since then, there had only been short phone calls between them. What could she do from where she was? It was not like she could perform miracles.

But Clint gave her his stupid puppy dog look. A look that she had somehow never been able to say no to before. It was a look that never failed to get her into trouble and inevitably made her regret ever knowing Clint Barton.

She had been hesitant to leave the base, to leave Phil and Robert to their own devices when they unfortunately butt heads far too often, to leave with so many questions that Phil stubbornly refused to answer, to leave _her team_. She worried about how Skye was doing, how she was handling her powers though she did seem less afraid that she was going to explode at any given second. Melinda had been hesitant to leave in such fragile times.

"How long are you here?"

But what it came down to was this: Natasha was one of her own, somebody she counted as close as a friend, and as important as family could ever be. There was no decision to really make. She just had to hope that nothing went mind-numbingly wrong in her absence.

Two days, she told Clint. She was going to stay for _two_ days and then he was going to send her right back.

"Going back the day after tomorrow."

Looking at Natasha now, she knew she made the right choice.

"So we don't have a lot of time then."

* * *

The owners of the farm were inconspicuously absent and Natasha rolled her eyes at how seriously not subtle they were. They had even taken the kids with them. But Laura had apparently left lasagna in the fridge waiting for her, complete with a post-it that had a smiley face and an ' _I'm sorry_ ' attached to it. So she decided to go take a shower and left Melinda with _explicit_ instructions to just watch over the oven and to not do or touch anything else in the kitchen.

The shower gave her a moment of reprieve, to think about why Melinda was here and why _she_ was the one that they called. She thought about the last time she had been in this shower, after she decided to just 'run with it'. And now here she was.

A missed window.

* * *

She listened to the sounds of old pipes rattling in the walls as she waited for Skye to answer her video call. Once she appeared on the screen, it didn't take long for the younger woman to blurt out what had apparently been burning in her brain wince Melinda left.

"Is it true? Are you with _Hawkeye_? Don't lie, Melinda. I totally saw the surveillance."

"Then why did you even _ask_?"

Skye shrugged at the question. "Couldn't wait to hear you try and come up with an answer. Where are you? _Where_ did he take you? And more importantly, how do _you_ know Hawkeye?"

"Skye..." she sighed, shaking her head and trying to resist a grin at the starstruck look on her face. Melinda might never admit it out loud but it warmed her heart to know that Skye remained relatively unchanged. If only she knew that Captain America himself had called Melinda just a few days ago.

"I know, I know. I'll know when I need to know _blah blah blah_. But I just have to know one thing- are his arms as yummy as they look in the pictures?"

She ignored the question. "Skye, you call me about anything that goes on at the base, okay?"

The younger agent looked confused at the serious request for a short minute. "Like, with Coulson or with Gonzales?"

"Both, and also everything else. Be my eyes and keep your ear to the ground, Skye. I'll be back in a couple of days."

"It's just- I feel this is a really weird and bad time to go for a vacation, even if it is with Clint _freaking_ Barton."

"I'm not _with_ Clint and this isn't a vacation."

"But-"

"Keep the team safe, Skye, and _be_ careful."

"Okay, whatever you say, May. You stay safe too. Use protection!"

* * *

Melinda sighed once again and rolled her eyes at Skye's parting words. For a second she thought about how she should have asked Skye how she was doing. She knew that the younger woman felt uneasy being around the very same people who only just recently had been hunting her down. Melinda thought once again about cutting her stay short.

It wasn't that Natasha was unhappy to see her. She knew that she was. The tension between them came from an incredible lengthy amount of time without being in each other's presence. Once that tension fell away, she knew just how easy it would be to fall back to exactly how they used to be before.

She could see it in the way that Natasha's blue eyes darkened the longer they kept talking and catching up. Just like the way her fingers subtly shook and trembled at the sight of those red curls, itching to be tangled in them once again.

And she knew that Natasha could see it too.

It would be _so_ easy.


	2. Chapter 2

The house was quieter than she ever remembered it to be. There wasn't ever a time when she visited that she didn't _at least_ hear the television going.

On any other day, Lila would usually be helping Clint with whatever house project he had going and they would be singing along to the radio. Laura would be either in the kitchen or in her office, loudly typing away at something. Cooper would be outside the house but even his childish laughter could still be heard from inside.

The soft thuds of Melinda's footsteps around the kitchen provided as the only soundtrack while Natasha had gotten dressed.

"I figured I'd set the table for us since I'm not allowed anywhere near preparing the food."

The scene was painfully domestic but Natasha was no stranger to it. Melinda was meticulously placing the cutlery next to the plates that she had set earlier, making sure that they were in order. She grinned to herself and shook her head at how some things really never changed no matter how much time had passed.

She then noticed that the dirt-crusted floor had been cleaned spotless. Laura would never know that she had tracked dried mud into the house, which honestly kimd of disappointed her a little bit.

"Glad to see you haven't forgotten where everything was."

Melinda chuckled at this. "It's been a long time but it hasn't been _that_ long, has it?"

She shrugged. "Long enough that a lot of stuff has happened."

She watched as the other woman paused for a response but instead, silently pulled up a chair and gestured for her to take her seat. She could barely take in the warm, reassuring smile on Melinda's face, the openness in her eyes even though her body told Natasha a completely different story. She could tell that she was trying her best to relax, to make Natasha feel at ease, but Melinda had never been able to hide anything from her

And knowing that strangely made her feel better.

Natasha wondered whether in a different lifetime, if this life could have been hers. In a different lifetime, if she and Melinda could have been something more than what they were.

In a different lifetime.

She then decided to just stop thinking for now, walked over and completely bypassing the chair before she pulled Melinda right into her arms.

It was awkward.

Melinda was so obviously surprised that her body tensed before the tightness in her shoulders eventually loosened and Natasha stepped even closer.

It was familiar and yet, not so familiar at the same time. She had forgotten what this felt like, to have somebody close, somebody that you cared for, that cared for you too, somebody that you knew you could trust _completely_. It seemed that they both had forgotten.

Trust really was such a fragile thing in their line of business.

It had been a long time. _Far_ too long, she had thought as Natasha's body firmly pressed against hers, her arms tight around her waist. Melinda sighed as steady, warm breaths ghosted over her neck and she raised her arms to wrap around the redhead's shoulders, pulling her impossibly closer. She closed her eyes when Natasha rested her forehead against her jaw and she slid her hands up, finally twining her fingers in those silky red curls.

As soon as Melinda's fingers were in her hair, her eyes fell shut and she released a shuddering breath.

Comfort was such a strange experience.

"You okay?" she asked quietly and she waited patiently until she felt Natasha nod. "You want to talk about it?"

Melinda wasn't surprised though when Natasha shook her head. She wasn't even surprised when Natasha tried to burrow deeper into her embrace before pulling away completely. She was surprised though when Natasha suddenly took her hand and squeezed it.

The instinct to pull her hand away was strong, but Natasha held on with a firm grip. She wasn't going to let go and the longer her hold stayed, sure and warm, Melinda slowly began to give in and allowed herself this touch. It suddenly hit her then that the last person that had held her hand like this had been Andrew. Her stare fixated at the way their fingers intertwined comfortably, before trailing up to meet Natasha's deep blue eyes.

They kept her grounded.

"We should eat before Laura's food goes to waste."

She nodded shakily at Natasha's suggestion. Melinda began to ask herself then whether this visit really had just been for Natasha, or maybe it could just be for herself too.


	3. Chapter 3

It was the next morning when Melinda laid awake in the spare bedroom, unsure what to think about this. Unsure what to _feel_ about this, even.

There was nothing she urgently had to do or supervise. She didn't have to meet with Gonzales, trying to figure out what his game plan was. She didn't have to see Phil and ask him - once again - all the burning questions inside her. She didn't have to do _anything_.

Was this what peace felt like? Was this what it felt like to press pause on almost every responsibility that she took on every single day?

She really wasn't sure what to feel about this at all.

But at least she wasn't alone.

Dinner the night before had been a quiet affair. There was an unspoken mutual agreement that anything she and Natasha really needed to say could wait. And just for the one night until they went into their separate bedrooms to sleep, they indulged themselves in the pretense that this was like any other day and hungrily soaked in each other's presence.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when her phone alerted her to a video call from Skye.

Speaking of responsibilities.

The younger woman's face quickly appeared once she accepted the call, interrupting her once again before she could even a utter a 'Good morning' or any sort of pleasantry. "Hey, when are you coming back again?"

"Skye, I told you this. I'm coming back tomorrow."

Skye was anxiously biting at her bottom lip as she nodded. "Good, because it's really getting a _little_ too uncomfortable around here."

The concern that had lit as soon as she saw Skye's face began to burn hotter in her chest. "Why? What happened?"

Skye shook her head, dismissing her with a wave of her hand and so clearly trying to put on a stoic mask. But even with the extensive training that they had done, Skye had never stopped wearing her heart on her sleeve.

"It's nothing. it's just- the way that everybody keeps looking at me- it makes me feel kinda- _weird_ , y'know?"

She did know. She received those very same looks from time to time, when people realized who she was. Curious but completely afraid. And she knew they weren't really ever going to stop looking at her like that. Even in the face of truth, people remain steadfastly unchanged.

She didn't blame Skye for wanting another familiar face, especially when there were so many other _unfamiliar_ ones walking everywhere around her, and she couldn't really be sure whether they were friendlies or not.

Melinda frowned. "Where are everybody else? Coulson? Simmons? Fitz? Bobbi?"

Skye shrugged. "They're around. They come to see me and talk but-it's just not the same."

"What about your friend? Has he woken up yet?"

The younger woman shook her head. "On and off, but Lincoln's mostly still down for the count. Jemma said that he's still healing from whatever it was they did to him so it'll be another day before he'll be really okay."

"Have _you_ slept at all?"

Her dry chuckle confirmed what Melinda already knew, what she could clearly see from the tired look in Skye's eyes. "And _how_ exactly am I supposed to be doing that?"

"You need your rest, Skye. You're of no use to us or your friend if you're dead on your feet."

Skye was nodding at her gentle scolding and she sighed. "I know. I'm just worried that if I go or close my eyes, they'll do something to Lincoln. Or _me_."

She suspected that there was more Skye wanted to say to her but she didn't seem sure on how to actually say it. She wondered if Skye wanted to tell her where she had been before they found her. She wondered if Skye would tell anybody. It wouldn't be long until Phil would get impatient and she could only hope that he would wait until she got back herself before finding out what he wanted from Skye.

"Nothing's going to happen to you. You're safe," she promised. Despite whatever secrets Phil was keeping, she knew he wouldn't let anything happen to Skye.

"I hope you're right."

Melinda sighed at the look on the younger woman's face, a stark mix of skepticism and anxiety. She couldn't really blame Skye for feeling the way she did, especially after all that happened and all that she had been through. Any other person would feel on edge too.

"Is there anything else?"

"What should I tell Coulson when he asks about you?"

"Tell him nothing. Tell him that I'll be back tomorrow."

"Right. I'm sure he'll be real happy to hear _that_ ," Skye muttered.

She refrained from saying that she didn't owe Phil any explanations as to where she was and what she was doing. If Skye had noticed the tension between them, she would have mentioned it. And Melinda didn't want her to have more cause to worry about what was currently going on for all of them. A knock on her door stopped her from replying and she looked up to see Natasha standing in the doorway.

It was time for her day to officially start, it seemed.

Turning back to Skye, she asked, "Anything else?"

"Still waiting to know on whether Clint Barton's arms are as dreamy as they look."

Once again she ignored the question, though this time the amusement in her tone was difficult to miss. "I'll see you tomorrow, Skye. Be safe and _get_ some sleep. That's an order."

Skye sighed loudly, voicing her displeasure but she still nodded anyway. " _Okay_. See you tomorrow. And remember what I said: use protection!"

Natasha watched as Melinda ended the call, shaking her head and smiling to herself. She wondered who had been on the other end of that phone call since it wasn't a voice that she could easily recognize. She chuckled at the other woman's parting words to Melinda though as she walked further inside the room and sat next to her on the bed.

As soon as Natasha was next to her, Melinda reached up and ran her fingers through her red curls, prompting blue eyes to meet with her own. She had been right about how easy it was to fall back to this, to fall back to old familiar habits.

"Have you been up for very long?"

The redhead shook her head, leaning more into Melinda's touches. "Not long. Everything okay back at the base?"

Melinda nodded, pulling her hand away from those irresistible red curls to reach over and place her phone back on the bedside table. "But the day just started. Anything can happen."

"But if nothing does, you'll be heading back tomorrow anyway, right?'

She hummed in confirmation. "Clint is sending me back."

Natasha nodded, having thought as much since he was the one that tracked Melinda down in the first place. She looked around the room, taking in its very bare walls. The last time this room had been slept in was when Tony used it.

"How did you sleep? You could have slept in my room, you know."

"Why? Were you looking to recreate something?"

Little bits of memory began to flash intermittently in her mind. Images of sweaty porcelain skin, of sharp white teeth biting down on a full bottom lip, of strong hands desperately gripping at bed sheets. She was sure that she was mirroring the discerning smirk on Natasha's face.

Natasha certainly hadn't been expecting _that_.

She found herself leaning closer to the older woman, close enough that she could see Melinda's gaze fall to her lips. She reached out for Melinda's hand, playing with her fingers to distract herself.

"No. I just know that the bed isn't very comfortable. Stark said it was very lumpy."

Melinda shrugged, her stare so completely focused on full red lips. "I've slept in worse places."

The air was thick around them and there was nothing else. Natasha waited to see what the other woman was going to do, waited to see if she was going to let it happen, waited to see what was going to happen next.

But then she realized that Melinda was looking right at her. She was looking at her like she was the one that was waiting. Melinda's intentions were clear. And now she was waiting for Natasha to say _yes_ , _no_ , _not yet_ , or maybe _never again_. .

But in this moment, there was only one answer for her.

Before Natasha was even done nodding, Melinda's lips were already on hers.

* * *

The last time that Natasha had kissed anybody, it had been Bruce before she pushed him. She pushed him into the void, calling for the big guy to take his place, to help save the day. And then he left. He left _her_.

So this time, Natasha _pulled_.

She pulled Melinda closer, pressed their lips harder. She pulled until her fingers dug and pulled at Melinda's shirt. She pulled Melinda into her, until all her senses were filled with all that she was. All that _they_ were.

There was something in the taste of Natasha's kisses, the feel of her soft lips moving with hers. The way she breathed in as Natasha breathed out. It made something in her chest ease and tighten all at the same time. She didn't know if it was because of the way that Natasha held on to her, the way she kept her so _goddamn_ close.

Natasha was just about to draw Melinda further into her until they were laying down on the very lumpy bed when the loud rumbling of Melinda's stomach echoed between them. They broke apart with breathless laughter spilling out of their lips, Melinda's forehead resting on hers and an uncharacteristically faint blush spreading across her cheeks.

"Hungry?"

"Starving actually."

They immediately disentangled and she caught her breath, watching as Natasha got up from the bed, attempting to smooth down her hair and her clothes. Her feet were barely planted on the floor when lips were softly pressing on her forehead and she looked up to meet those familiar blue eyes.

"To be continued later?"

Natasha released a deep breath of her own at the hushed question and nodded in absolute agreement.


End file.
